it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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