I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
