my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
