so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
