Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
