i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
