the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
