yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
