8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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