wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
