have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
