Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
