I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
