i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
