An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
