Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just gift wrapped bread.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
