I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
