One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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