I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
