i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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