my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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