he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Don't make out with my wife yet
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
