Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
