Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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