you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
