Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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