im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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