Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He felt like a one man threesome
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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