nut hugger
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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