Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
