Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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