Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
