He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
