Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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