she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
