I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
