If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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