I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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