I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
