You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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