Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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