Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
