do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think your dad took our porno
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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