Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
