Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...