I'm lost and stupid without you.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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