It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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