just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
