who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
