then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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