Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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