I could make wine with my vomit
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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