tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
ttyl tear gas
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
