I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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