it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
