be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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