fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
