these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
