She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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