Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
