His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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