hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
