4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
