She said her name was "party"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
