my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
