great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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