i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
