i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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