hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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