Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize