so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
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My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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