Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
