Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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