is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
