Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
