yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
