I have demons in me.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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