two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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