I accidentally burped into my bong.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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