just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
