wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
