You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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