oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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