we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
